Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A little waxing

No, not at the salon, but from the ear, nose and throat doc. He found a rock in my ear today, no wonder I couldn't hear a darn thing.
It all started with my over-anxious hubby peering down into my hearing cavity for some odd reason, can't remember why.
He spots said wax, looking like Mt. Rushmore in my ear and immediately tries to find objects to stick into my head.
"Leave it alone!!!" I said shriking away, "it's fine!!!"
"We should get that out of there!" he said gallantly.
I not-so-gently reminded him that he is NOT a doctor, so he left my ear alone for the time being.
He went on trip and totally forgot, until he came back of course, then it was "Let's see that ear" again.
"No!!!" I ran away from him and tried to lock the door, no use, he made his way in with flashlight in hand.
"C'mon, just let me take a peek," he cajoled, fishing 10 Q-tips out of the box and heading toward me with the flashlight shining in my eyes.
I was blinded ... it didn't know what was happening, then he stuck the Q-tip into my ear.
"There it is," he said, he voice hoarse with determination and awe.
He began to move the Q-tip around.
"Ow!!!" I screamed, he stopped.
"You hurt my freaking ear!" I said.
"Oh ... sorry."
That was the end of that little session, my husband assured me that he was able to move the wax, but he didn't know where it went.
I had a feeling that I knew, because I couldn't hear a thing.
"What???" I yelled
"I said I MOVED THE WAX!" he yelled.
"Alright, don't shout."
After that I began to walk around with very little hearing, trucks nearly ran me down while I was crossing the street, private conversations I had with others could be heard 10 miles away, at least my end of them, and of course the was the constant pain.
I felt pretty certain I had an ear infection.
Finally I was sick of it. I went swimming and had swimmer's ear on top the whatever it was.
The doc asked what the problem was. "My husband hurt my ear," I said.
"Oh," he asked, looking at me with concern.
"Oh no, it's not like that, he took a Q-tip."
"Oh I see," he said, visably relieved and putting the domestic violence literature aside. He then proceeded to check me out and confirmed that indeed there was still wax in there and that it was covering my ear drum.
"Great." I said, wonderding what could be next.
"We'll have to get that out."
I began to feel faint. I hate doctors, and doctors with tools in their hands even less, doctors with suctions even less than that.
He began to prod around my ear. I screamed. "You cannot move!" he chided.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, I groaned, trying to catch my breath.
"Just hold still or we'll have to deaden the ear." On about my fifth jerk, he took the needle out.
I began to settle down, needles were much worse to me than him digging around.
My boys were in tears, worried for their mom's fate.
"Remember, your kids are watching," the doctor warned.
Soon I was able to think about something else, like the $72 I had spend at Walgreens which my husband was liable to be upset about, and finding ways to put it to him gently was enough to take my focus away from my damaged ear.
Soon, I heard noise and realized that he had removed the wax, it was like I had never heard before, I felt wonderful and ready to face the rest of the day.
"Let that be a lesson to you boys," the doctor told them when I sat up and smiled.
"We're glad you're alive, mom!" they said.
"Me too, and I can hear."
Then the boys began fighting.
What are the benefits of hearing again?
Anyway, here's your freebie for today, it's not about ears. It's brown and flowery with an overlay and elements. ENJOY!

Don't forget to leave the love and check out


MamaKimberly said...

awww! hilarious story, well written!! and I'm glad you're hearing better!!!!!!

patchas said...

More than hilarious. Did you really let your husband PEE in your ear? (I think you meant to say he was peering in your ear) ROTFLMAO. P.S. Thanks so much for the freebie.

Anonymous said...

Glad you can hear again!! Great story - no really we are laughing with you, lol!!! Thanks for the freebie!

Anonymous said...

I'm also glad you can hear again. Thanks for the freebie and tell your husband to quit peeing in your ear!!!

mgc said...

Thanks so much for the freebie!

Stephanie said...

shoot. I always drop letters!!! Going to fix RIGHT NOW!! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what's better--the story or the elements! Thank you for both!

Heather said...

Wow, sorry to say it was pretty funny. But I am glad you are better. Thank you for sharing as well.

Vicki said...

Thanks so much for the goodies! Glad you canhear again too. Funny story!

carmel said...

that's a cute story (sorry for laughing!) and a cute freebie, too! thanks so much, Stephanie...

Natalie said...

I read this earlier - you know, before you edited that word, and I was totally LOL! I knew what you meant, of course, but it was just the thing for a mid-day case of the sleepies. Woke me right up! Totally understand the hearing problem; I had something similar (couldn't hear, had an ear infection...) going on, except my husband wasn't involved. ;) Oh, and thanks for the freebie - wow, some giggles and a cool freebie all in one day! Awesome!

Jan said...

OK, so I came here to check out the freebie that was mentioned on the digitalk freebie forum. And, of course, I did find the freebies (thank you, they're great!), but I also found a really funny lady with a great talent for writing!

It's way past my bedtime (after midnight here), and we're leaving on a camping trip tomorrow, but I started reading your blog and just couldn't stop. And, while the kid at VBS didn't get your humor, I did. You're a great writer. If you ever get tired of designing, maybe you could find a way to bottle your humor and attitude and sell it. I know there would be a big market out there .... I'd definitely buy and I know many people who SHOULD buy ~grin~

OK, so I'm off to bed humming
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night, "we come from the land of the ice and snow" and the Cantina song from Star Wars ......... geez, thanks alot!

However, I'll be back (said in my best Swarzenneger voice - which, trust me, isn't very good).

CFord said...

Your stories are SO funny! You crack me up. It's great to get a little humor to get the day started (6AM is definately too early to be working!) Love the freebie too. Thanks so much.

Monique said...

Loved the story - ugh! Silly husband. LOL But, I think the kicker was the end - hearing and fighting. I was cracking up! Thank you for the freebie.

Stephanie said...

WOW THANKS GUYS! YOU ROCK!! I love praise, I'm a praise you-know-what (sorry, can't speak it, I'm a Christian). :)

Amy's Images said...

Stephanie, knowing you personally... this story does not surprise me, but made me laugh my ass off. I had that ear thing before... had to have it removed, but no needles were involved! WOW, that's Cory's Qtip attack. OUCH! It's so weird when you can hear again it's like everything is magnified a 1000 times. Having the same sense of humor as you, man that was a good one.

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